i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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