At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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