and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
