You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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