one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We need to get me chipped asap
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