I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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