Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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