all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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