6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
