I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
