Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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