yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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