You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
