We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
