sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
