I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
