we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
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