Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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