i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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