it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
