Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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