We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
