bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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