Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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