She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
