i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
