He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
