The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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