Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
