I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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