life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
