its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
foreskin is a definite game changer
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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