Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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