I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
