What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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