apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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