Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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