I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
