So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I need a burrito and a hug.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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