...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize