the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
