Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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