I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
