tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
