God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
