I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
