I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
