I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
