Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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