Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
