Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
