I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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