I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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