I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
