Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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