I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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