Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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