i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
