I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize