What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
