I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
